Wilmore
Larry, still giddy from Sunday's 17,000 hour Oscar's telecast and the revelation that rapper-actor-long stare-er Common's real name is Lonnie Lynn, opened the segment about Giuliani by calling him "911 McGhee" and then swapping his photo with the Hamburglar.
Then as he parsed through Giuliani's statements at a private Republican dinner with Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker where he said "I don't think Obama loves America," followed by "He didn't live through 9/11, I did" as he was trying to clarify his statements on Fox News' Sean Hannity show afterward.
"Who put Giuliani in charge of country love? Isn't that… Lonnie Lynn?" asked Wilmore.
Then Wilmore noted that Obama was raised by his grandparents who were a World War 2 veteran and an assembly line worker, respectively, and that's pretty patriotic. Via Talking Points Memo:
"So what else is different about Obama?" Wilmore said, showing a photo of the future first black President between his two white grandparents."Man I just — I'm really trying my best not to use the race card" he said, struggling. "Getting difficult.""No, you know what, fuck that shit, that's racist," he said, giving up.
Then Wilmore added that most of the world came together after 9/11 because it was such a moving moment that they actually forgot that what a "colossal prick" Giuliani is. The Nightly Show host then surmised that "Obama loves America, just not as much as Giuliani loves 9/11 or as much as I love that Common's real name is Lonnie Lynn."
Jon Stewart
A stalwart of old New York when Times Square was full of porn and subways were covered in graffiti, Jon began his supremely titled segment "Gall of Rudy" by describing the 21 Club, where Giuliani said his incendiary words, as the place where people pay good money to hear "horrible things" about the President of the United States.
Then he attacked the obvious point of Giuliani using the 9/11 tragedy as a brand booster—for over a decade.
"You're not the Mayor of 9/11, you don't own 9/11. You don't own anything but the unique willingness to crassly exploit it."
Gut punch.
Then he zeroed in on Giuliani's attempt to "clean up" his statements on Fox News with Megyn Kelly but choosing the wrong block to do so. Kelly just wasn't unhinged enough so the former mayor had to appear on Sean Hannity an hour later to really get the un-hinged political love he was searching for, where the two men agreed that if you really love something, you wouldn't want to change it.
Set-up shot.
Then Stewart pointed out that Giuliani himself was loved by someone enough that they saved him from his own receding hairline and told him to just let it go. Then Stewart showed old hairline Giuliani next to current whisp-haired Giuliani and, ehn … whispy is better.
Great burn.
Then Stewart questioned G's love his own city, New York with a flashback to his own 1994 stump speech about "transforming" the city, words he'd attacked Obama for using about America.
"Why do you hate NY?! If you loved this country, you'd love the who thing, not just the parts that remind you of you," shouted Stewart before breaking out into his own remix of "God Bless America" that included feminist lesbians and minorities who want to vote.
There are so many little jabs before the final knockout punch of Giuliani using the same words he crucifying Obama for employing that it's really a joy to watch, especially as a New Yorker without porn in Times Square.
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